What makes you feel like a bad mum? For a lot of us, it’s losing our cool, snappy, shouting, being generally grouchy and nagging our kids. When we shout at our kids, not only do we not model to them how to manage feelings of anger and frustration but it can also make everyone feel bad and, if it happens a lot, can break feelings of trust in the relationship. If your brain is running away, getting caught up remembering all the times that you’ve shouted and clouding your body with overwhelming feelings of guilt, then go get it (be kind to it) and bring it back here to listen to this.
We are not robots. We are humans, and we are inherently flawed. We will always act in ways that we wish we hadn’t, let our emotions ‘get the better of us’, let down and disappoint others. It’s part of being human. I once (and I’m not proud of this, but, I’m human and these things happen) shouted, yes shouted “STOP SHOUTING AT ME!” at my daughter. I, am an adult, with a frontal cortex which is about as developed as it’s going to get and allows me at least some emotional regulation skills. I’ve got over 22 years experience studying, training and practising good emotional and mental health practises but in that moment couldn’t manage my emotions enough not to shout, yet I expected my 4 year old daughter to be able to!
I obviously immediately saw the irony and apologised to her. And this is what I taught her in that moment:
-sometimes we mess up
-when we mess up, we can acknowledge it and the relationship doesn’t need to suffer
And these are valuable skills that will help our children grow into emotionally capable and mature, balanced, resilient adults who will soar in life with these skills.
If you want to learn how to keep your cool when your kids are losing theirs, join the community here http://www.facebook.com/groups/candcmums where we talk about this sort of thing all the time.