How do you feel about screen time? And do you worry it’s bad for your kids?
Do you wish they played outside more, with their friends and toys?
Do you feel like you don’t have enough hours in your day but you can spend 20 minutes (maybe more!) scrolling on your phone?
It’s no secret that we spend lots of time on our phones and social media. And with many of us working on computers or at home, our screen time usage is high.
And ultimately, our kids model us, and will naturally spend more time on screens if they see us doing it.
But is screen time bad and should we limit ourselves and our children?
The mums I work with often speak about their children’s screen time; whether they should limit it, and how to do this. This is what comes up:
- Worry about the impact of screen time on their kid’s behaviour or brain development
- They feel guilty when they rely on screens so they can work or get other jobs done
- They feel bad denying their kids what they want and find it hard to maintain boundaries around screen use.
Can you relate to this?
Spending time on screens feels addictive, so it’s no surprise that we feel guilty about our kid’s constant desire to use phones or other devices.
Research shows that screen time increases dopamine production which is the hormone that helps us stay motivated. We get a dopamine hit when we do something pleasurable and beneficial, so we repeat that behaviour.
This hit will feel stronger in children whose impulse control isn’t fully developed yet. The more time they spend receiving those injections of dopamine, the more they need instant hits of gratification and when it isn’t fulfilled it impacts their mood. Have you ever noticed how they get grouchy after watching TV for a long time?
This is why screen time can feel addictive, and we can’t pull ourselves away. Technology gives us a sense of reward and pleasure and it is hard to stay away.
Different ways screens pull us in:
- We’re social creatures. Adapting to social situations helped us survive and evolve over millions of years. Our social media feeds our social needs and make it hard for us to stay away. Comparing ourselves to our peers and working out our place in groups are all a natural part of our biological makeup. However, our social media feeds fuel this in unnatural and unhelpful ways.
Take Facebook and Instagram for example. How does it make you feel when you see a shiny, positive photo of their life, the fun times they’ve spent with their family?
It’s natural to compare ourselves to others, but with social media, the comparison is based on a filtered version, not reality. Comparisons are often therefore unrealistic and can feed low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
- There is a lot of uncertainty in the world, which can contribute to anxiety. Many people try to counter this by staying updated on Google and news sites. This can lead to more anxious and helpless feelings.
Do you ever get a notification on your phone about a breaking news story? You click the link, your news app opens, and before you know it, you’ve spent half an hour burrowing down a rabbit hole of related stories. And you walk away from your phone feeling frazzled and burnt out?
- If we experience difficult feelings like stress, boredom, anxiety, or depression, zoning out on our phones offers us a distraction from truly experiencing those emotions.
I see many young clients whose excessive phone use has become the only way they can get a break from their negative thoughts and difficult feelings.
Do you think your screen time habit is bad for you?
Even though it can be hard, the good news is that you can change any habit you choose. And you’ll model to your kids to do the same.
This way, you can remove any negative screen time, but not do away with all the positive benefits it brings to your life.
You can manage your child’s screen time without denying them fun or a chance to discuss popular trends with their peers.
What positive effect do screens have on your life, where would you like to make changes, and how will you implement those changes?
Although the hit of dopamine is powerful, the good news is that we are powerful beings too. And we are strong enough to recognise our evolutional drives, urges, and impulses and choose how we respond to them.
We have the power to choose how we want to spend our time and we can make this choice each day. It doesn’t come down to willpower, it comes down to choices. Choose to learn how to change any behaviour we want, choose discipline, and choose whether to live life through our phone or the real one.
3 Ways to Relieve Screen Addiction
- Work together to make a plan:
As a family, come up with a schedule for screen time. This isn’t about banishing it from your lives but managing it in a way that makes it a bonus. A schedule creates a clear boundary around screen time.
- Try other activities to increase dopamine:
What else do you and your kids do that feels rewarding and you’re motivated to do again and again? Look ahead to your weekly schedule and see where to fit more of those activities. If you’re unsure, introduce new activities into your family’s life to detect where you can have more fun, and slowly forget about your phone and other devices.
- More education for you and your kids:
Search for resources to increase your understanding of screen time and its effects. Of course, this may mean using a device to search, however, it is a productive use of screen time. Also, speak to other parents about their feelings around screen time and how they manage it within their family.
How can we help you
If you’re concerned and want professional help, consider seeking a therapist to support you with habits.
I call for more research into how screen time affects children and their emotional needs. If you’re interested in discussing this further, email me at hello@consciousandcalm.co.uk, I’d love to continue the conversation with you.
Our Emotional Regulation programme is a wonderful, protected, and supportive space to help you explore paralysing feelings of guilt or anxiety. If you feel you have no control over your habits or how to support your kids with theirs, get in touch for the next cohort of my 12-week online programme.
I’ve supported many mums to transform their emotional well-being through evidence-backed CBT and Compassion-Focused Therapy. Through our weekly group support call and my 12 easy-to-follow videos, you too can release blocks and negative beliefs affecting you.