I was talking to my friend recently, it was lockdown, the school had closed, my cleaner was no longer coming and I still had my full work load. I was now working full-time, with my daughter at home all day and all of the foundations that I had carefully crafted into my life as a mum to make it work, to make it flow, to make it enjoyable and highly rewarding had been taken away overnight.
My friends was response to this situation was “no parents ever get time to themselves”. I realised in that moment, how deeply ingrained this societal message is. And if we soak in this message and internalise it, it becomes our own belief. And then of course this is the reality we will create for ourselves. If we believe that “parents never get time to themselves” so it has to be a “slog” then that’s what we will make happen. We want life as we know it to fit the beliefs we hold. If we believe “this is as good as it gets” then of course we aren’t going to do the things that we need to do to make life easier and make time for ourselves. How can we make something happen if we don’t think it’s possible?
Before I had my daughter, my idea of how I could craft my life to look was also somewhat at odds with what society told me it should look like. I was mid 30s and lived on a beach in Mexico, I worked two days a week and had a 5 day weekend surfing, reading, seeing friends, eating tacos and drinking pina coladas. This has changed drastically since having my daughter, I was going to say this has “obviously” changed drastically since having my daughter but that’s just my judgement creeping in. If I wanted to create that lifestyle again then I could. It would be hard, it would take a lot of planning and I wouldn’t be able to get there overnight, but there’s nothing in that scenario that would be out of reach if I wanted to make it happen.
Even the first sentence of this blog, that I have cleaner, has the potential to cause resistance for some or judgement for others. I have a cleaner because I can’t work and look after my daughter and clean the house and still be a nice person. I can’t do it so I worked hard and got a cleaner. And my cleaner has a nanny. We talked about this today, how we can feel shame or guilt about finding a way to get the help we need. We live in a world where reaching out for the help we need (paid or not) is not always the norm. But that needs to change. Life as a parent doesn’t need to be a slog. We can have time for ourselves. To make our lives into the reality that we want. We just have to find a way to make it happen.
If you want to find out more about how you can make this happen and connect with hundreds of other mums consciously creating a life of ease and happiness come and join us here: http://www.facebook.com/groups/candcmums